


An Exercise in Patience

by SapphyGoLucky



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Dragon Riders, Dragons, Gift Fic, It took me three years to post this give me a break, Kingdomstuck, M/M, The Mayor may be a dragon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-11 22:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9037499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphyGoLucky/pseuds/SapphyGoLucky
Summary: vantas,did you seriously tell john on me?prick.-ds(A story told in letters from rivals, friends, and lovers)





	1. Your Obedient Servant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gale Rationhit](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Gale+Rationhit).



> This is a birthday/Christmas present for one of my favorite nerds like, ever. She talked me into posting it earlier than I was planning so hey, Merry Christmas, Homestuck! I love y'all!! The letters will come soon, I promise! Background is nice.
> 
> (Thanks for the inspiration, Gale! I love you. You're the best. <3)

If your sparse time in the military had told you anything, it was that sometimes, there wasn’t much you could do about your situation other than wallow in self pity and die for some cause that you didn’t properly believe in. For the most part, you were willing to accept this, as you hadn’t been raised with much different.

This fact had been instilled in your life since you first joined the military. This move, this vow, had been something your brother had taken, and your father, and your father’s father. Your family was a legend, and you couldn’t see yourself doing much different.

So, at age ten, you went into the Skaian military’s arms, moving from a heated land to a city of almost constant rain. Upon your arrival, you were politely given a dragon egg and told that this was to be your new best friend.

You hatched your dragon a little after your eleventh birthday. At the time, you were one of the only people in the Skaian military with a dragon to your name. This brought you deep into the intrigue of noble life within the castle. Everybody wanted to meet the boy with the dragon, one in the group of recruits trained to make this squadron of dragon riders. They were new and exciting, and it was more than enough to garner you and your hatchling’s attention.

Among those who pushed into your company was crown prince John Egbert, a boy slightly younger than you with a buck toothed grin and big eyes and an unrelenting optimism. He was John, not _Your Highness_ , not _My Lord_ , not _Prince John_. He was just John, insisting that as he followed you from day to day life. More than anything, he seemed to have an intense desire to be your friend, which was more than you could say for almost anybody else in your life. Despite any of your reservations, despite any procedure you had been taught, you let the prince worm his way into a casual friendship with you, where he watched you tend to and eventually learn to ride your dragon.

You hadn’t had a friend before, especially not one who had no ulterior motive. John wanted to be your friend, he told you one day, because you were curious. He said that you were a puzzle, and then he joked that the dragon helped, because they were cool and he wanted to steal it.

You took that for what it was worth. You couldn’t imagine that the crown prince had too many friends of his own that weren’t in it for the status, either. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with him, after all? When he became king, he could give anyone anything he wanted. He could probably do that now, if he so desired.

But yet, here he was, as you raised your dragon, cracking jokes about how you were more of a mother than any other in the entire palace.

John was a blessing, really, though he had a curse of a tagalong. It was imperative that, whenever he was out of the crown’s sight, he had somebody watching over him. This was, he explained to you, in case somebody tried to kill him while he was wandering around on his own. You asked him why you didn’t count, and he laughed and told you that this was settled before you even got the dragon, so ha!

This was how you met John’s spitfire of an other best friend. At the time, Karkat Vantas was a knight in training. He had been assigned to John, making sure that he didn’t kill himself doing something stupid. To Vantas, something stupid included anything having to do with you. He didn’t like the idea of John even hanging out with you, because it would probably lead to him getting eaten by a dragon or something similarly stupid. John did it anyway, of course, but he restrained himself on things that shouldn’t be restrained, because Vantas, the voice of reason, said that he shouldn’t do some miniscule thing.

Seriously? Did he really think petting your dragon would make him bite John’s hand off?

This passed on for years and, needless to say, Karkat Vantas didn’t grow enough to move past trusting you as far as he could throw the dragon (who, by the time that you were thirteen, was the size of a horse). He didn’t like that you were pulling John from other duties and he absolutely hated the fact that you were not a traditional knight, that you spent more of your time whining about how hard they were pushing your (still developing) dragon than actually training to try and make it better. There was a certain way of doing things, you figured he thought, and it was not the way that you were doing it.

You didn’t mind that you were different. The thought of fighting in a war inexplicably made you sick to your stomach. It shouldn’t have- You were training for this since you were born. There was something wrong with this thinking, but you still tried to push past it. You were different. You had a dragon to raise. You weren’t a grunt soldier who could just walk out and die on the battlefield. You didn’t need to be some warmongering thing in the battlefield, and you sure as hell couldn’t afford to be, either. You had something to take care of.

While nameless, your dragon still served to be your best friend, potentially even more so than John. You had all but raised him, the big, dumb, thing, and you loved him as you would a son.

He wasn’t really that dumb, of course. He reminded you of a curious, reptilian cat, the way his ears would press flat on his head and his eyes would swell when he found something to be curious about. He liked it when you rubbed big leathery wings, when you scratched him under his chin, when you showed any form of affection to him at all.

He was your favorite thing about your time spent in the military. That was probably the point of you even receiving him as an egg. The unshakeable bond formed the way you and he had done was something that was ultimately beneficial for the military. They wanted you to die for each other, if need be.

The idea of death was scary. The knowledge that you would willingly die for your dragon was scarier.

Even as a dragon rider, you were dispensable. You could be at a vantage point, high above the battle, but you still needed to fight and possibly die for the crown, the same way that Vantas was, that the other knights were, that everyone else in the damn army was. There was something normal about it. It was expected. That thought terrified you.

Still, the idea of death was fairly distant. For so long, it felt like you were just playing, pretending to be an army man and being a hero for all who desire it. It wasn’t real, and it couldn’t be, not for a very, very long time.

Reality finally hit when you were sixteen. At the time, your room in the barracks was shared by another dragon rider, a lancer. You two were as close as total strangers could be, all things considered. He thought you were weird for thinking dragons were better than people and you thought that he was a pansy for fighting everything from three feet away. It was a comfortable sort of distaste, leading to an odd friendship. You would consider him a friend.

He and his dragon got sent out on a scouting mission. It was supposed to be for practice, getting used to a real life scenario. His dragon came shambling back, obviously injured. He did not.

The commander told you that he likely died in action, and that he was terribly sorry, but there wasn’t anything that could be done.

Death left a gaping hole in your room, a lack of easy conversation as you prepared in the morning, a distraught dragon who fought in the stables to try and find his rider once again. It left a nagging sense of loss in the back of your head. One morning he was chatting with you, and the next he was gone. Never to be seen again.

His dragon watched as you groomed yours in the mornings, and you could see the distinct sorrow in its eyes as it watched you. You briefly wondered if it knew the direness of the situation, but soon realized that that had to be the case. These things were sentient, just as you are. God, your dragon got upset when you left to go get dinner! You didn’t want to imagine how he would react if you were to die right in front of him.

And, that was when it struck you.

You were just inches away from meeting the same fate as your friend. The minute that you set out to fight in some war for the crown, you ran the risk of simply dying. Of being killed for no good fucking reason. You couldn’t do that to yourself. You couldn’t do that to your dragon. He was your best friend, and you knew just how it would hurt him. God, you couldn’t make yourself do that.

The idea of leaving didn’t strike you immediately. You weren’t that dumb to make such an impulsive decision. Some days had passed since your realization had hit you, and you spent it thinking. You sat with your dragon and talked more at him than with him, since it was always so much easier to understand your words when you spoke. He was more than willing to listen to you, only interrupting you when he felt you weren’t petting him enough.

It was nice, for the time being, to sit and allow yourself to decompress. You didn’t talk about anything of significant to your dragon, even if your conversation sometimes looped back around to your deceased friend. All it was was a time to decompress, to allow yourself room to breathe.

Karkat Vantas found you in one of your conversations with your dragon. He was roughly your size, but from your position on the ground behind the gate of the stable, you needed to look up at him. You didn’t care for that, of course, if only because you had _always_ been a little taller than him. It was the only subtle victory you had against him- He was the prince’s bodyguard and on his way to being a full fledged knight while you were some grunt with a cool dragon. He had luxury. You didn’t.

Your height was all that you had to rub in his face. God, fuck him.

Vantas leaned against the gate, watching you with tired eyes. He looked exhausted, bags beginning their entrance under icy gold eyes. Still, he didn’t say anything, not until you raised an eyebrow in to tell him that you were listening and wondering why the hell he was here.

“Strider,” he said at your signal. He hesitated a moment, then pinched the bridge of his nose, huffing a little. “God, why did I know that you’d be here? What the hell are you even doing? I know that you have at least three better things that you could be doing right now. At least! I’m thinking of more with literally every word that I am speaking. What are you doing!”

Your eyebrow lowered as you peered back at your dragon. This was only for a moment, until you looked back at Vantas, who was looking increasingly annoyed with you. You decided to play with him a bit- There was something about his annoyed face that was simply priceless.

“I’m havin’ a bonding moment,” you drawled.

“A bonding- Fuck, aren’t you always having those with that?” He began to gesture at you, waving his hands around- first motioning to you, and then the dragon, and then back again in some wild mess. You swore, you saw him flip you the bird- Or, maybe that was just you. “Your entire life is just a long circle jerk of a bonding moment! You don’t need to take time out of your day to just sit with it, do you? That’s the most convoluted shit- And you have your own time! You’re not worked to the bone all day! You can sit and enjoy your quality time with your reptile murderbeast whenever you damn please, but not when you’re supposed to be on the clock!”

“I’m supposed to be on the clock?” you said, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “I had no idea.”

You swore that Vantas was about to pop a blood vessel.

“Yeah fucking right! You know damn well what you’re supposed to be doing! At least, you should- Who am I to know what these people are doing anymore! They could just be hiring any old peasant to do this job, because it’s not like raising a dragon requires any semblance of responsibility! Oh, forgive me, the world must obviously revolve around your dick! I mean, why _else_ would you be slacking in the damn stables!” Vantas’s voice was always scratchy and hearing it raise with rage was almost painful, but it was worth it. It was worth seeing his angry flush and the way that he moved, because for some reason, he fascinated you.

Not like you would say it out loud.

“You realize that people have been looking for you all day, right?” Karkat’s rant continued, in typical Karkat fashion. “Nobody has been able to find you for hours! And lo and behold, here you are, literally spending your time trying to hold a conversation with something that can’t even respond! You know that it can’t talk, right? You just have to be so deep in your delusions that you’re imagining it. I wonder what voice it has! Oh, wait, I don’t care!”

“Hey, now,” you said, shifting to face your dragon. “Don’t be like that. He can’t reply to be just fine, can’t you, boy?” You scratched your dragon behind the ear, smirking when he gave you a deep grumble of acceptance.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you. I wish I couldn’t believe you. You’re so-” He made a fairly improper motion, then rolled his eyes and ran a hand through messy hair. You watched it fall back into his face immediately after, but mostly ignored it in favor of hating him. “You- You know that Prince John’s getting worried about you, right? He sent me on this wild goose chase for your sorry ass, because obviously you’re valuable to his time! I had to agree to go search for you just so that he wouldn’t!”

“You didn’t seem too surprised to find me here,” you said, turning to face him properly once more. Your dragon made a really good chair when you both put your mind to it. “So what’s even the big deal?”

Vantas waved his hand in front of him. “Your placement is not the point of this conversation! I’m telling you how stupid you are, remember? I’m still mad at you! Did you seriously spend your whole day here? Or did you actually manage to do something useful? Consider your options here, Strider, because I know you know what the appropriate answer is.”

You stood and shook some of the hay off of yourself. No matter what Vantas said, you should go and tell John that you hadn’t died of some ridiculously amusing circumstance. “I’ll choose not t’answer that, then, since I know you ain’t gonna like the answer. Is there anythin’ else that you needed, or are you good? Are we good? I think we’re good. Do you think we’re good?”

Vantas paused for a moment, looking at you. His face was unreadable, and steel gold eyes turned down like he discovered his sense of tact. “I’m sorry about what happened to your friend.”

You felt like you were dumped in ice water. For a moment, all you could do was stare, picking out little details of Vantas’s face to focus on until he actually looked back at you. The silence was heavy, until he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Look. I’m- I’m trying here, okay? I know that I don’t get it since it’s never happened to me, but- Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’unno. I don’t think there’s that much to talk about,” you said.

Vantas pulled a face, ruffling a hand through his hair once again. He looked like he expected the answer, but he still seemed disappointed. “Look- I get that you’re pissed off, but you realize that this happens every day, right? I’m a knight. You’re in the military. People die! People you’re going to get close to are going to die! We can’t do anything about it, so-”

“Why should we?” you asked before you could stop yourself. You wondered if the glare you were levelling at him was intimidating. You brushed it off. “I didn’t ask for this. Why’ve I gotta die because my superior thinks that some suicide mission’ll win us some dumb war?”

He started for a moment, staring at you in total confusion. Did he expect something like that to come from you? You didn’t know. You weren’t sure that he cared. He settled back a moment later, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s better than dying of hunger while begging for your next meal, isn’t it?”

He said it so resolutely. You wondered where that was coming from, though only for a moment, running a hand through your hair. Your dragon huffed behind you, wondering why you were still here if you weren’t petting him. Instead of giving him the attention he deserved, you kept focusing on Vantas before you.

“Dude, how can you say that? You work with the prince, ‘a all people.” You gestured yourself, from his feet to the top of his head. “You can’t talk like you’re on the same level as me since you ain’t gonna die for no damn reason. You see how much protection he’s got, right? Someone’s gonna go through all them lousy bodyguards before they get to you.”

“Hey! I’m supposed to take a killing blow for him!”

“Yeah, and how likely is that gonna be? I can tell you the odds right now, and it’s way less than the odds’a me dyin’.”

Vantas furrowed his brow like he was going to tell you to go fuck yourself. He didn’t, of course, instead just rolling his eyes and continuing on like you weren’t a total and complete imbecile.

“You aren’t that likely to die, either, you realize. Dragon riders are a valuable resource. You can see what happens when just one dies without his dragon.” Vantas looked pointedly at the lone dragon in the stall next to you. You felt something inside of you snap.

“Fuckin- You don’t _get_ it,” you said. You drew nearer to him until you were leaning against the gate separating the two of you. He leaned away. “Sure, you’re ‘bout as expendable as I am, but you know what? You don’t see combat. They ain’t gonna take the prince to the front lines. You know who they are gonna take to the front lines? The common soldiers. The aerial scouts. _Me_. And yeah, okay, they're basically fucked if one dies and the other don’t, but you know how many dragons are bein’ bred on the daily? We’re the first generation, sure, but give it ten years and there’ll be so many that we are actually expendable. It won’t matter. _I_ won’t matter. They won’t care if one of us dies and the other’s scarred for life. That ain’t a system that I wanna be a part of. Might as well leave. I ain’t got none t’offer the crown, anyway.”

There was only a moment of consideration before Vantas leaned back forward, leveling you a stern, if not curious, expression. “Then why did you even come here? You signed up for a reason, didn’t you? Or are you just going to fuck off and let yourself die because of treason and abandoning your post instead?”

“Well, hey, I’d rather die for somethin’ I believe in than as some statistic leavin’ things behind. You ain’t got that shit to deal with. No dragon tryin’ t’run shit down if you get hurt. John’ll be upset, but at least he won’t go on a homicidal rampage. That ain’t like him.”

He stared at you for a good while, eventually turning away from you. “God. You formed a singularity with the center of the universe with how hard you’re sucking yourself off. I didn’t think that was possible, but you managed to achieve it. Congratulations, Strider!” He turned to face you again, and his glare could have set fire to the stable. “You have a responsibility now, don’t you get that? You’ve had it ever since you signed up for this regiment, since you joined the damn army and tried to be a knight! You have a responsibility to the crown that you can’t just turn your back on! That isn’t how it works, Strider! Put your selfishness aside for one goddamn minute and think about John! About what he stands for! You aren’t allowed to throw away the responsibility you have to him just because you suddenly decided that this doesn’t work for you anymore! What would he say? What would he think? I know you know the answer to that question.”

Admittedly, his tangent struck you into speechlessness, though you could talk yourself into believing it was because the volume of his voice blew out your eardrums for a moment. You still needed to think about what to tell him next, though, because- Fuck. You hadn’t thought about John.

Your quiet seemed to concern your dragon. He wandered over to you, sniffing the leg of your pants. You looked down at him for a moment, watching the curious look he sent you until he laid down. He only relaxed when you began to scratch him.

You made up your mind as you moved, finally looking back up at Karkat Fucking Vantas. “All right. Point made,” you said. You pinched the bridge of your nose with your free hand. “Quit yellin’, though, God. Save it for th’bedroom. Bet our crown prince is into that.”

Vantas stared at you for a minute, face erupting in a brilliant red. He sputtered for a moment, eventually waving his hands in front of his face. “Hey- hey! Don’t change the subject here! I was trying to make a genuine point and you just had to- God, I can’t believe you! Do you need to make everything about sex?”

“Not everything. I-”

“That was a rhetorical question, Strider, thank you for your tact!” He pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing in deep. “God, just. Pull your head out of your ass and realize you’re human? You aren’t different from the rest of us or anything. God, why do I feel like you’re just saying shit to get me to leave you alone?! These are things that need to be said- you understand that, right? You know that you’re going to die some day, but the minute it becomes clear that it’s not going to be the way you want you want to go off and do it on your own? God, why should anyone have to accommodate you? I-”

“Wait- I never said that,” you shifted, waving your hands in front of you. “I ain’t askin’ anyone else to accommodate me. I’m doin’ shit’a my own volition.”

“And expecting everybody else to just cope with it,” he said immediately. “It’s not fair for the rest of us! You didn’t even come here expecting anything! And now, just because you can’t get your way, you’re just going to throw a tantrum and fuck off!”

“Okay- Okay, fine,” your voice turned dry, the same way you remember your brother’s shifting when you were young. “Just sit by and let it happen? Let them kill me ‘nd leave my dragon to die?” Your dragon nudged you as you spoke. You ignored him.

Karkat raised his hands for a moment, but lowered them soon after, instead just groaning. “Just- God, Dave, I want you to make a decision that isn’t entirely based on impulse! Think for a good five minutes on the consequences of your actions, would you? Were you going to just walk away, or are you going to steal your dragon, too? This is insane and you know it.”

It was. The more you thought about it, though, the less of a choice you had. For all of the freedom that you had in theory, you had almost none in practice. You still hesitated, thoughts running through your head- What would you do about John? About your dragon?

Karkat seemed to take your silence as concession, sighing quietly and relaxing his shoulders. “…Hey,” he said. “…I really am sorry about what happened to your friend. From what I hear, he was a pretty decent guy.”

You held your tongue, instead simply nodding. What words did you have? You were still busy trying to dig yourself out of this small mental hole he threw you into.

You weren’t sure what he took your silence to mean. He didn’t say anything in response, not immediately. Instead, he ran his hand through his hair, messing it farther than it usually was. You watched the way dark strands fell back into his face, telling yourself that it was for the change in scenery rather than any artistic appeal. You knew that you were lying to yourself, but you had more important things to consider than the blatant lie.

After a moment and an intensely deep breath, Vantas nodded at you. For the first time, he shot you a small smile, likely meant to be reassuring. You took it to mean that, at the very least- there was some exhausted sort of genuineness to it that you hadn’t seen from him before. You found yourself smiling back. You weren’t entirely sure why yourself. Either it was in thanks, or it was to get Vantas off of your back. You couldn’t put your finger on the exact reason, and you didn’t care to try.

“So, hey,” he said, quietly. There was a slight grumble to his voice still, but it held the same gentleness of his smile that appealed to something deep inside of you. “Are you coming to dinner tonight? John was worried you were going to skip. You would be missed, for some ungodly reason.”

“…I’m coming,” you replied firmly. You didn’t mention the “this time” that was whispering its way into the back of your head. This wasn’t the appropriate time for it, after all- God, you didn’t want to pick another fight. Not yet, at least.

Still. “This time.” That meant that there was a possibility of there not being another, of there being a time where you simply left, ran off never to be seen again. You made a mental note to consider that, but later.

You nodded. Karkat snorted, reaching out to playfully shove your shoulder. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll see you then. Try to get something productive done before then?”

“Pft. No promises. …I’ll see you then, though.” You watched Karkat leave the stable, leaving you with your dragon and a tidal wave of thoughts. You had no idea what you were supposed to do with yourself.

So, instead of doing anything of value, you turned and resumed your original position of sitting against your dragon. He made a pleased grumbling noise, leaning in to nudge your cheek with his own. His scales were rough against your skin, but you enjoyed that about him. It was a welcome comfort.

He was your friend. At this point, he was probably there for you more than John was, Well, that was mostly because you were talking to him about things John probably couldn’t witness- but what did that matter? After all, what better way to air out your grievances than at a dragon? The best soundboard in the world?

“How d’you feel about it?” You asked. You knew full well that he didn’t have a verbal answer for you, but the fact that he was listening in and of itself helped. He looked at you curiously, then shifted so he could nuzzle you. You sighed and scratched him behind the ears.

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll follow me into the dark or whatever. I mean- ‘s ridiculous that we’re gonna be war guys. Lookit you. You couldn’t hurt a fly.”

He huffed.

“Okay. Maybe you could hurt a rabbit or something. On a good day.”

He huffed again, pulling away from you and pointedly looking away. You outright laughed, reaching out to scratch his head once again.

“Oh, c’mon. You know that you’re pretty much the royal feline, yeah? You ain’t an apex predator.”

He looked back at you, then playfully swatted at your hand. You figured by then you had shamed your dragon enough, so you ducked to catch his eyes again. He made that difficult, but eventually, you met shiny amber eyes. You smiled gently at him. The smile that you earned was all teeth, and if you didn’t know better, you would have figured he was about to eat you. Your smile morphed into a wide grin. You reached out with both hands this time, scratching him the way you would a dog.

“Hey- hey. What d’you think, bud? Think we’d be able to pull off bein’ on our own?”

He took a momentary pause from his blissed out expression, nudging your hands away from him to look at you seriously. If you looked hard enough, you could see the “What the fuck” in his eyes. God, he had a point. You were a nobleman almost raised with a silver spoon in his mouth and he was a dragon raised by the government. You would probably last a collective two minutes on your own without any support.

“Hear me out,” you said, shifting back to face him fully while you waved your hands in front of you. You paused, looking around to make sure you were totally alone before ducking back. God, now that you considered it deeper, this really _was_ treason, wasn’t it? It wasn’t a good idea, but…

“You and I would do about the same in the army as we would out in the wild. Think about it. We’re the least threatening people I know. I can’t stand sword fightin’ and you’re probably afraid of your own shadow.” He gave an offended grumble. “Shh. C’mon, think about it. We’d have a hell of a life without compulsory military service. Imagine bein’ able to fly whenever you want? Or wake up whenever you want. Huntin’ ‘nd eatin’ whatever.” God, truth be told, the more that you talked about it, the more you fell in love with it.

The freedom to wake up and do what you pleased, to fly where your heart desired, to fight for what you believed in more than anything else… To live your life how _you_ wanted.

“…Would you go with me?” you asked after a moment of consideration. “…If I asked you to leave.”

Your dragon sniffed you, then prodded your chest with his nose in what could only be an affirmation.

Admittedly, the mostly one-sided conversation stuck with you for most of the rest of the week. You occupied your free time with ideations of getting on your dragon and flying away, of living your life on your own terms.

Your decision was mostly impulsive. While your thoughts moved, they continued to revolve back to leaving and the freedom of it. You couldn’t tear your thoughts away from it, so you did what you needed to do.

You took your back, a rucksack meant for long-term missions. You stuffed it full of warm clothes, leaving enough room for food. You rushed from your quarters to the kitchens, taking special care not to get caught. It wasn’t hard to sweet talk your way into several provisions- smoked meats and breads and a few pastries stuffed hastily into your hands by doting chefs. You put these into your bag, too, as you made your way back to the stable. You didn’t pay attention to the world around you in your rush, which turned into a mistake.

You ran into Vantas.

You ran into him so hard that you may as well have knocked him over. You stumbled a moment, turning and staring at him like a fish out of water. He turned to look back at you, eyes floating up and down your frame and focusing on the bag at your side. You had a feeling he knew what you were planning, but you couldn’t fault him for asking either way. How could you? You supposed that, in any other circumstance, you would be doing the same thing.

“What’s the bag for?” he asked. You could feel the concern floating off of him in waves, and you knew what he was thinking. God, you were going against everything he asked of you. All you could do was hope that he didn’t make a scene.

“I’m headin’ out on a mission,” you replied. It wasn’t expressly a lie- all it was was a lack of the entire truth. You shifted your bag around your shoulders, watching disbelief play across Vantas’s face.

You knew that he didn’t believe you. There were more questions that he needed to press, more things that he needed to know, and you knew outright that you weren’t going to tell him anything.

You knew that he would stop you- or, at least, make a damn good effort of it. You also knew that he wouldn’t be able to do anything to change your mind, save for give you more reason to leave.

He might tell John. That was a very real possibility, one that you weren’t entirely sure you wanted to consider. You didn’t know what John would do if he found out, what he _could_ do beyond some firm scoldings. He could, theoretically, order you to stop- but you were going against orders as it was. Obeying another was counterintuitive.

You had to hop through too many hoops to justify this decision. That alone should tell you that it wasn’t a good idea. Still, you kept at it. You weren’t planning on changing your mind- not now, at the very least. Even if your poor planning skills came into question, you would continue to parade on. You had wanted to be your own person for so long, you couldn’t allow yourself to lose this change.

Karkat knew what you were doing. You knew that he knew. You turned and began to walk away.

“Wha- Dave!” Footsteps sounded behind you. You just walked faster, even as Karkat tried to call to you. “You know that this is a bad idea!”

“Yup.”

“You know that it’s _illegal_!”

“Yup.”

“Fuck- You’re throwing your life away! I’m not going to help you after this!”

Briefly, you wondered what Karkat’s face looked like. How close was he to just punching you in the face? To screaming? You entertained yourself with that thought, pushing through the palace doors and to your stables.

You left a note with one of the pages before you left. You weren’t sure what else you should have done- If you should have written it to John or Karkat or both. You left it for Karkat, simply detailing why you did what you had done. As misguided as he was, he deserved an explanation- hopefully, one that he would give to John before he began to loathe your entire existence.

It didn’t take you long hit the air. You didn’t have a saddle, since you would most definitely be spotted that way, so you simply rode bare, clutching to your dragon for dear life. You were totally alone in the sky, you and your thoughts and your dragon. You were left with the clarity of the sky around you and the wind in your hair and the sounds that your dragon made and the joy of being together with him in a pure way for the first time in _forever_.

You hadn’t been able to revel in this feeling before, and you realized that you now had the freedom to do it again.

You did not regret your decision.


	2. A letter written on a torn piece of paper.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter written in a scrawl on a torn piece of paper. It is delivered by a young page in the middle of the day.

vantas,

while i appreciate everything in your whole attempt at being the better person, id like to offer you a humble fuck you.

seriously.

i get it. you tried. but did you honestly think that you could talk me out of this? at all? i appreciate the effort but you should know by now that this isnt how i work. im not something that can be changed at the drop of a fucking hat, dude. things happen. this is one of them.

i know whats going to happen next too and i know that you aint gonna have any regrets about it. youre going to tell john first of all, and hes going to hate me. you may or may not show him this letter. youre definitely going to tell your superiors. im basically fucked if i ever want to come back or tell john or even explain myself without you as a filter. and youre going to sit up on your pedestal, thinking that you did the right thing but honestly feeling betrayed by the guy who dare dream of freedom (or something similarly romantic)

and thats why i say fuck you. because youre so misguided that you think that everything is your personal war to fight. my issues dont involve you. they never did and i honestly doubt that they will.

it looks like im getting away with this at least. if everything goes right, you wont hear from me ever again. bet thats something that youre looking forward to. a world free of dave strider. its a holy miracle that the prophets will laud as being only the act of a certain god.

me and my dragon, alone. just runnin away together. you really dont think i would have left him right? he probably wouldve been punished for my dumb actions, which is the opposite of what i want. hes my friend.

look though.

i get what youre getting at. whats best for the crown, ecetera ecetera, responsibility to your duty, blah blah blah. i dont care. i genuinely, honestly, have zero shits to give. i have a responsibility to myself. i cant believe i didnt actually understand this before now. im a guy who fights for what he believes in.

it just so happens that i dont believe in what you do. thats not a crime, is it?

we could have been friends you know. you and me.

but who cares. i have my dragon. im chillin somewhere that aint here. what more could i want?

hey, by the way. its gonna be a waste of time to try and find me. youd be surprised at how inconspicuous the giant dragon and the albino kid can be.

that aint gonna stop you from trying, of course, but i figure your timell be better spent goin and fuckin yourself.

-ds


	3. A letter written in a large hand on old parchment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter written in a large hand on old parchment. It is delivered by an inconspicuous looking bird first thing in the morning.

STRIDER-

FIRST OF ALL, I REALLY SHOULDN’T BE SURPRISED AT HOW YOU JUST RAN OFF LIKE THAT, BUT I AM ANYWAY! I THOUGHT THAT I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOU, BUT I SEE THAT ISN’T THE CASE! GOD, I THOUGHT WE HAD A BONDING MOMENT! WE TALKED ABOUT DRAGONS AND HAD A GENUINE HEART TO HEART ABOUT DEATH! DOES THAT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?

SECONDLY, DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME TO GO FUCK MYSELF! YOU AREN’T THE ONE CALLING THE SHOTS HERE, FUCKWHISTLE! YOU FORFEITED ANY RIGHTS TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DECIDED THAT YOU WANTED TO FUCK OFF TO GOD KNOWS WHERE!

YOU SAID THAT IT WOULD BE USELESS TO FIND YOU. BUT, WAIT, WHAT’S THIS? ME. WRITING A LETTER TO YOU. GUESS WHAT! DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WERE THAT INCONSPICUOUS, STRIDER? YOU’RE RIDING A FUCKING DRAGON THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY! THESE THINGS ARE REGULATED BY THE MILITARY! DO YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD SHOVED SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU THINK IT’S CAMOUFLAGE, OR ARE YOU REALLY JUST THAT BATSHIT INSANE?

GOD, YOU ARE REALLY FUCKING LUCKY THAT PRINCE JOHN THINKS THAT YOU’RE VALUABLE. HE’S THE REASON THAT THERE ARE ONLY WANTED POSTERS OUT THERE INSTEAD OF SEARCH PARTIES. IF IT WAS UP TO ME, YOU WOULD BE BACK IN THE CASTLE RIGHT ABOUT NOW, BECAUSE THEN YOU’D GET WHAT WAS COMING TO YOU!

AND WHY DID YOU THINK THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO BRING THE DRAGON WITH YOU? ALL THAT DOES IS MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE! EVEN IF I WERE TO EXCUSE YOU FOR RUNNING OFF, YOU REALIZE THAT YOU NOW HAVE A SECOND MOUTH TO FEED, RIGHT? A SECOND, GIGANTIC MOUTH? IT’S PROBABLY THE STUPIDEST THING YOU COULD HAVE DONE!

AND I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW IT’S WORK ON MY ASS. IT MAKES THINGS WORSE FOR YOU AND, BY EXTENSION, WORSE FOR ME! JOHN’S TRYING TO GET ME TO CLEAR YOUR FUCKING NAME, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING THAT I’M TRYING TO DO HERE FOR YOU? OH, WAIT, NOPE! THE WORLD JUST REVOLVES AROUND YOU, I FORGOT.

I DON’T EVEN WANT TO BE WRITING YOU RIGHT NOW. I’M ONLY HERE BECAUSE PRINCE JOHN WANTED ME TO TRY AND ASK YOU TO COME BACK. I KNOW FULL WELL THAT IT’S PRETTY MUCH USELESS, BUT MAYBE IF YOU KNOW IF IT COMES FROM HIM IT’LL HELP.

HE’S BEING GENUINE. HE REALLY WANTS YOU TO COME BACK! YOUR SENTENCE WILL BE SHORTER AND, YOU KNOW, YOU PROBABLY WON’T NEED TO FIGHT TO FEED YOURSELF ON A DAILY BASIS!

GOD

I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHER. WHO KNOWS IF YOU’RE EVEN GOING TO WRITE ME BACK? FUCK, I BET THAT YOU’RE DEAD RIGHT NOW! THEN ALL OF THIS WILL BE MOOT AND IT’LL BE MORE OF A WASTE OF MY TIME THAN IT STARTED AS.

UGH.

GO TO HELL, STRIDER.

-VANTAS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late! I know there isn't a set schedule, but I prefer to have weekly updates. As you can see, I threw that out the window by the third chapter. Thanks for reading, and leave a comment if you like what you see! Thanks guys! <3


	4. A scrawled letter on the back of a wanted poster.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A scrawled letter on the back of a wanted poster for David Alexander Strider. It is torn around the edges and curled very tightly onto itself.

vantas,

im really not that mad that you managed to find me. surprised, sure. i mean, im not in the country or anything, but since when did we care about overextending our reach? but all things considered, im pretty impressed. you managed to hit me up from a whole country away while im making sure to move location pretty regularly. damn, vantas, talk about dedication.

you lost your brownie points at the guilt trip psuedobribery shit, though. “your sentence will be shorter if you come back of your own volition” and “but john misses you”? fuck that. you arent allowed to say that shit to me. what, we talk once and you think were best friends?

you were really frank about responsibility, sure. i appreciate that. seriously, there were like six lessons in that lecture alone. but honesty, this army and the way its run are some special shades of bullshit that i refuse to submit myself to.

yes, vantas, just let me throw everything ive done here away and come waltzing back. its not like ive got responsibility or anything, right?

im not letting the dragon face punishment for my bullshit and im not goin back to a place where im not satisfied with my life. i didnt even want to join the fucking military, okay? it was some dumb obligation. this is the first thing ive done for myself since i was born, and im not going to let it go because some fuckwad wrote a letter politely asking me to.

this is the most freedom ive had in years. youre batshit mental of you think im giving it up any time soon.

and now that you mention it, im kind of offended at how youre treating my dragon buddy. what, do you think hes some useless baby or something? hes like the smartest gy i know, and its not like he dont pull his weight in food collection. he wouldnt have a life back there without me, anyway. dragons and trainers bond in mysterious ways. no way he would have done it again. this was the only option.

but, hey, look on the bright side. there is one thing you arent entirely wrong about. it really was useless to try and get me to come back with my tail between my legs. man, i dont know why john even asked you to write me. if you know where i am, why not just have him write me himself? hes not dumb. im pretty sure he knows how to write. hell, hes probably reading this letter over your shoulder right now. since when were you degraded to royal secretary? thats just unfortunate.

one more thing, ill tell you to go fuck yourself as much as i damn well please. i mean, its almost all youre doing in this revolving circle jerk of bullshit. i mean, sure, it might be difficult with that stick youve got lodged up your ass, but im not gonna tell you how to live your life. i bet youre into it, and you do you buddy.

besides, its unfair that you get to tell me to go to hell if i cant tell you to go fuck yourself. i mean, really, vantas.

didnt we have a bonding moment?

-ds


	5. A letter written in a quick, messy hand on a clean sheet of paper.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter written in a quick, messy hand on a clean sheet of paper. It's crumpled and torn along the edges, like it's been balled up a few times.

STRIDER-

FIRST OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU! IT WAS A LEGITIMATE BONDING MOMENT, AND YOU’RE JUST THROWING IT OVER YOUR SHOULDER. DO MY FEELINGS NOT MATTER, OR ARE YOU THINKING THAT ANYONE TRYING TO REACH OUT AND HELP YOU ARE JUST MENTAL IN THEIR OWN, SPECIAL WAYS?

YOU KNOW THAT I DON’T ACTUALLY NEED TO TRY AND CLEAR YOUR NAME LIKE I AM RIGHT NOW, RIGHT? I COULD JUST LET YOU BE CHASED BY THE MILITARY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! IT WOULD SERVE YOU RIGHT, YOU KNOW. AFTER ALL OF THE HELL YOU’VE GIVEN ME, IT’S ONLY APPROPRIATE THAT YOU HAVE SOME OF YOUR OWN, TOO!  
DAMN, YOU’RE LUCKY THAT PRINCE JOHN FOUND IT IN HIS SOUL TO ACTUALLY TRY AND SAVE YOU! HE OBVIOUSLY GIVES MORE OF A SHIT ABOUT YOU THAN YOU DO HIM. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DONE TO DESERVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU!

REALLY, IT’S ONLY OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART AND MY ALLEGIANCE TO PRINCE JOHN THAT I’M DOING THIS. I DON’T EVEN NEED TO DO IT MYSELF! IT WOULD BE EASY TO PASS IT ON TO SOMEONE WAY MORE INCOMPETENT. BUT NO, IT’S YOUR LUCKY DAY! YOU HAVE ME ON YOUR SIDE. DON’T LET IT GO TO YOUR HEAD.

AND YOU REALIZE THAT ANY POINT YOU’RE MAKING ABOUT THE ARMY AND THE DRAGON IS TOTALLY INVALID, RIGHT? LIKE, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE IT IF IT WEREN’T FOR THEM! THE ARMY GAVE YOU THE EGG, SHIT FOR BRAINS! YOU DIDN’T BREED IT,OR FIND IT. YOU HAD IT HANDED TO YOU. IT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, RIGHT?

DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER ANY OF THIS, OR DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU WERE RUNNING OFF? OR, WORSE YET, ARE YOU JUST THAT IGNORANT OF THE CONSEQUENCES? DON’T ANSWER THAT! I KNOW THE ANSWER.

DON’T SAY WE HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU. EVERYTHING THAT THE ARMY’S DONE HAS BEEN A FUCKING FAVOR, AND YOU DON’T DESERVE THE COURTESY.

AND ANOTHER THING! I AM NOT PRINCE JOHN’S SECRETARY! HE HAS BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN WRITE SOME INSUFFERABLE SHITSTAIN WHO WON’T TAKE THE INITIATIVE AND APOLOGIZE FOR RUNNING OFF LIKE YOU DID! ALL I’M DOING IS RELAYING THESE MESSAGES IN OUR PERSONAL CONVERSATIONS ABOUT HOW THE ARMY IS DOING!

BUT, I MEAN, IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’D UNDERSTAND SOMETHING LIKE THAT, RIGHT? SITTING DOWN AND ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS? NO, OF FUCKING COURSE NOT! ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN WHEN SOMETHING’S WRONG INSTEAD OF PUTTING ON THE BIG KID PANTS AND MARCHING THROUGH. YOU CAN’T RUN AWAY AND HOPE THAT THE REST OF THE WORLD IS GOING TO CATCH UP AND LICK THE DUST OFF OF YOUR SHOES, STRIDER! YOU’RE A TRAITOR, NOT A TRAILBLAZER. ALL THIS IS GOING TO DO IS END UP WITH YOU SERIOUSLY WRECKED, AND BACK IN THIS PALACE IN FUCKING CHAINS. IT WOULDN’T EVEN BE MY FAULT, EITHER! I ONLY HAVE TWO HANDS, AND IF YOU GET ARRESTED BEFORE THE CHARGES ARE FORMALLY DROPPED THAN THERE’S JACK SHIT THAT I CAN DO FOR YOU. YOU CAN’T EXPECT TO HAVE ME AT YOUR BECK AND CALL ALL OF THE TIME, AND IT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE MAKING IT ANY EASIER ON ME!

LET ME TAKE THESE LAST FEW MINUTES AND OFFER YOU A FINAL “FUCK YOU.” DID ONE PERSON DYING SERIOUSLY CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE WORLD VIEW? THAT’S THE REASON THAT YOU’RE UP IN ARMS? PEOPLE DIE FOR BETTER REASONS ALL OF THE DAMN TIME, AND I DON’T SEE YOU DOING ANYTHING FOR THEM. THE PLAGUE VICTIMS WOULD CERTAINLY HAVE APPRECIATED IT!

WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE SOME DAY, ANYWAY. YOU MIGHT AS WELL DO IT OVER SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THAN SOME SELF CONCEIVED DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR AND A SUICIDE MISSION THAT YOU’RE ONLY GOING ON BECAUSE YOU CAN’T STOP DEEPTHROATING YOURSELF LONG ENOUGH TO CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES.

I’M RUNNING OUT OF ROOM. FUCK THIS.

-VANTAS.

(P.S. NO, WAIT, I LIED! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SENT ME A LETTER OVER YOUR OWN FUCKING WANTED POSTER. DO YOU THINK YOU’RE CUTE? GO FUCK YOURSELF, BECAUSE YOU AREN’T.)


End file.
